Put Good Title Here

Bonjour!

I'm in southern France now living in an old chateau that is beautiful! And doing my aerial silks and lyra retreat.

Me and Atmo after our last ride

I finished up my horse riding retreat on Friday and started my aerial retreat on Saturday, so it's been a little bit busy!

First things first, I had the best time in Peneda-Gerês National Park learning to ride horses. On my first day the trainer Pedro, a slight, soft spoken man with a wealth of knowledge, had me riding on my own. On my second day I was trotting. On my third I joined the experienced group for a 3 hour ride over the mountains!

Day 4 I was working on my technique and learning heaps of theory. And on my last day of riding I joined the experienced group for a full day's ride. That's 6 hours in the saddle! Pedro said he doesn't let many beginners join in this ride unless he felt confident they can handle it. Was pretty chuffed with myself.

Honestly I had so much fun I nearly bailed on this retreat to stay there longer.

But I'm glad I did come. The south of France is beautiful and this chateau is too gorgeous. Not sure how old it is but a lot of the furniture is antique and there are dusty old books everywhere, there's even two towers, a well (that's still functioning) and a chapel. Probably a couple ghosts too, not too keen to get up for a late night piddle if I'm honest.

The possibly haunted chateau

It's been about a year since I last did any silks or lyra and I'm a lot rusty but thankfully haven't lost my strength (yay!).

Apart from learning techniques we're also performing a small show at the end of the retreat and I always feel like I'm all arms and legs and feet when I have to dance. So you can imagine how happy (and relieved) I was when I was told I am actually quite coordinated and move well.

Pedro also said the same thing, he told me I would be good at dancing because I have good coordination.

I have always seen myself as Bambi on ice whenever I try to dance and I am always so self concious and shame. It's so funny now to be told that what I thought about my body and gracefullness (if that's even a word) was really off. Don't know whether I internalised childhood bullying or whether they were right and I just grew into my long and lanky limbs.

Anyways, I'm starting to see myself in a completely different way since I left Perth.

I saw myself as a small, invisible, socially awkward person who had had to sew the peices of myself back together and was barely keeping in one peice when I left. I was excited but shitting myself, scared I was going to make some mistake while travelling, get hopelessly lost or get robbed and lose my passport or something. I remember feeling so scared when I got to Nepal and having to force myself to leave my hotel room.

Now I see myself as this brave, strong, adventurous woman who has confidence and has got this and I'm not scared anymore. I'm going off the beaten track and I'm not afraid to get lost. I'm also accomplished and skilled and graceful. It's like I'm seeing a different reflection when I look in the mirror.

And I think now I'm starting to understand why some people ("friends") called me intimidating. It wasn't because I was scary at all...

So next time you feel like a loser or weird or whatever maybe just take a moment and ask yourself, am I looking at me or at a story of me I was told?